Spiraling

It’s kind of funny how a good day can become a bad day.
Like you can be having a fine day. And then it becomes bad.
Out of nowhere.

I’ll be sitting at home. By myself. Not doing anything.
Then my mind will start thinking.
Overthinking.

I’ll start thinking about my day and start thinking it wasn’t enough.
It wasn’t fun enough.
I wasn’t productive enough.
I wasn’t happy enough.

My good day will fall victim to my brain.
My anxious brain.
My overthinking brain.

My good day will be picked a part little by little.
Torn to shreds by the overthinking brain.
Every moment over-scrutinized until it’s not good enough.

That brings the second wave of anxiety and sadness.
I make myself sad and that makes it worse.
I’m at fault for ruing a good day.
Ruining this day is stupid. I’m stupid.

I’m at fault. I’m not good enough.
Maybe I don’t deserve the good day.
Maybe I deserve the anxiety. Depression. Sadness.

My brain spirals.

Spirals.

Spirals.

Spirals.

I sit there in darkness. My brain hating itself.
Me hating myself.
Another day I ruined.